Manchester down, 1 more Perth to go :) / :(  ...
I began to really savour the "me-time", i realised that when i was in Manchester. Went out on my own to shop for some stuff at Primark and had my brunch at this nice cosy little place. I had NEVER EVER sat alone at a coffee house for a meal ever since i was born. It's nice actually, being alone. The old owner was super friendly, darling everyone here and there. I don't know why but i love elderly, not those kinda affection but i feel for them in some ways. They deserve to be loved. Elderly and children. Wonderful creations of God, we all are. These days i've been so crazy over children onboard. I would always be seen carrying those super duper cute little monsters walking up and down the aisles. Children and elderly are the only human beings in the world who are truly cute regardless of nationality, race, language or religion, lol.
From now on, i shall roam around the world on my own. I can grow old with myself, why not? I told Siti i don't mind being left on the shelf and guess what she said? "Nevermind. I'll buy you."    ...

 YUMMY

I'm loved i know, especially by my family. Loving and losing a stranger once with all your heart, is enough for a lifetime i reckon. For sure i want a family of my own, my family needs to grow. I don't want the number of my family members to be dwindling. But my brother and I seem to be giving up the trust in human, let aside loving strangers. But we'll still try dating though. Poor Dad. I wonder how long you have to wait just to be called Grand-dad. I don't mind adopting actually. Duh. Long way to go!

When i'm ready to come back to live, i wanna get myself a puppy. I realise i'm really an extreme person. Elderly or children. Now big dogs or small ones. My choice is either Golden Retriever or Chi hua hua. Golden Retriever will take up all the space n the house where we're currently staying now. So, if Dad finally decide to move to a better place, that will be it. If not, Chi hua hua is good too. Dad and bro love dogs. I can't imagine having the best people in the world as my family. Men who have the patience to fish and enjoy fishing every single week without fail. Men who are so reliable and clever that you can leave every burst bulb in the house for them, when you're in trouble they crack their heads for you. Faithful husband who never had trouble but worked hard to keep the family together, even when wife passed on. Brother who's always ready to protect the stubborn sister who forever insisted things her way. I can't lose someone i love anytime soon, i'm still healing.. Faithfulness is in the genes, now i know. People say we're stupid. But i don't think so. I'm proud of this virtue that God created for obvious reasons. I wanna walk alone on the globe for a while more and i'll be back with my family :)  with a new member in the family, hopefully:
 

Random:

 These peeps taught me to be so stupid-ly random in conversations.

 1st Shanghai flight with a Biz crew, First class crew, First officer and Captain. Weird yet perfect combi of "going-out-crew". I've sooo many China flights. Going Shanghai again end of the month and also Beijing. Hmm.

 Someone said i'll confirm blog this pic. I don't know why, but so i did.

I realised that i've to be crying for hours at least once every month. Most of us call it PMS-ing. Hehe. I don't know why but i'm feeling more stupid each day! Little things can make me laugh or cry like crazy and i no longer understand hidden jokes like i used to. I can't solve Sudoku puzzles anymore, AT ALL. Must have been the deprivation of oxygen in the plane for too many hours. Wonder what's gonna happen to me if i continue flying until i'm too old to do so. Met up with Siti just now and she told me it's true, this job makes us stupid. She suggested we have to play games that need us to use our brains once in a while. Shall do that, one day.


I'm going home.. I'm happy, i'm excited, i'm crazy, but i'm procrastinating. I'm suddenly afraid, of many things. I...

I'm waiting for my flight to Kuala Lumpur. It's in 2 hours time that i should leave the apartment but i'm almost ready.
So... when i've too much time on hand, i thought i should do some stupid things:




I'm wearing my new uniform actually. Too tight. But not a problem at all, i feel good being PUI already. Web cam with my cousin earlier on and her mum was beside her:

Cousin:    My mum say u fat liao
Me:            Huh? my face very zeng huh...
Cousin:    She say u lidat very swee.. haha

Made my day already! I'm sure it'll be a happy flight with happy crew and happy passengers later again, just like my previous one :)

It was my first flight yesterday for this month since i was on off days all the time. And i was super happy to be working. Met some very cheeky Turkish passengers. He asked me to sit down and drink with him. Worse, he told me: "I love white girls". I"M NOT WHITE GIRL. When i was doing service, he ran all the way from the back cabin to the front and told me: "The tap in the toilet didn't stop running. Go see?" Super cute. Then he wanted to get my number which for sure i didn't tell because.. i'm not white.

Another funny one was so shocked when i told him i'm from Sg. He thought i was from eastern Europe. DUH. But i'm super happy! Nobody is guessing that i'm from Philippines or Thailand anymore!

The best thing that made my day on that flight was a Turkish lady. She kept staring at me the whole time. And when she was leaving, she kept smiling and then i tried to talk to her. She didn't know how to speak English well but she told me she understood. Then she gestured her face and said: "You.. Nice. Very pretty."
When a lady with huge eyes, perfect sharp nose and nice lips tells you this, the feeling is amazing. Chiobu says you chio. SHIOK. LOL

I think i'm getting very idiotic these days. No mood to be emo, and it feels weird. It's so easy to be happy nowadays. And yes, another Turkish man asked me: "We're wondering and very amazed how you can smile all the time?" I'm back to a me 5 years back leh. Really glad. Thank God. 

Going to the doctor on the 14th. My face, has to be cured! The rashes have become acne-like and leaving scars. :(  Hope doctor Pieter finds a cure for me to go back Sg swee swee in July for the parties...

Till then, may God bless all!

Whatever the "i still love u" is for, thank you. Thank you every single second that you had spent with me, every nano second, for those years.

Your "i love you"s are free. Mine is not. The "i love you"s that i told you and just you, are tagged with priceless true emotions. =)
You told me once that words are free, true. And i know that's why you don't hold up to what you say. 

And your "i still love u" is totally unnecessary because it's said a zillion times a day to different people.

But i still wanna thank you, for saying. It shook me to reality, totally, finally. That will be the last time we see each other and i know you didn't see the last tears shed for us because i was smiling throughout the whole conversation.

I'm not emo-ing.

And i know many people like to know that someone who love them dearly is missing them and suffering in silence after break-up. I'm not the one like that in your life, not anymore. I'm just happy for you, happy for me, happy that we both left for the better.

Thank you, thank God.

Don't ever make promises.

It's my off day again. This time round, i finally get my arse out of the house and did something. I FINALLY made a trip to the famous desert safari in Dubai after staying here for 4 months. Honestly, it feels good being out again. The feeling of being single, sense of freedom finally come to me. It's true that i shouldn't just stay home all the time afterall. Oh and i went shopping and spent 3 quarter of the pay that's meant for me to survive the month of June 2 days back. Stupid, as usual. Anyway, two different "sources" indicated that i'll meet love next week, haha. Coincidences are scary sometimes. I'm not expecting anything, just found it amusing.

Desert Safari was a good experience. Started with the fast and furious car ride around the desert(scary at first but we got used to it after a while), picture taking with camels, very short sand boarding time, belly dancing show(of just one lady) and Arabic dinner. It's funny how i thought of my family and wished they were there with me the whole time even though couples were everywhere.
  Guy holding the Falcon (hunting bird, treasure of middle east)






I've no idea what gave me the patience to talk to myself and paste so many pictures here. But i feel good after completing everything, thank God. I have to rest but i'm not tired yet. I've an off day again tomorrow but i've to go collect our new uniform (better than the current one), do some laundry and cleaning of my room. Hungry... Tahan, tahan, tahan. 36 more days only. I've to be back in shape to see all my belovedSSSSSS.

Been slacking on and off for the reserve month of May and finally got paid! Went to buy a pair of Gucci shades and a camera today, and changed most of my pay to SGD and here i am again, almost broke, when it's not even the beginning of June. Exchange rate from Dirhams to SGD sucks, big time. But i'm just excited that i'm going home in 39 days time. WOOOHOOO~ I'm changing money too early but it's just in case i spend them. Debts, debts, debts. Loads of debts to be paid back home. But i've decided to buy myself a little something every single month from now on just to reward myself for being good, working hard and still staying in a job. Next month, i want a watch and/or a bag.

My June's roster is out:

-Istanbul (super xiong and long turnaround)
-Shanghai (layover)
-Istanbul 
-Shanghai
-Shanghai
-Manchester (layover)

.... NB. OK, I shall not complain.

Was pulled out for a London Heathrow 3days back and it was kinda cold there. Went out with a Canadian and a Filipino. I promise myself that i will not go out with IDR or Filipino crew from now on. Promise. Deal. I just can't clique with people from these countries. I tried, i really, seriously, honestly tried hard to be amiable. But it simply didn't work out. There was just something that made us uncomfortable with each other. I tahan for quite long until our return flight that i flared up. She was super duper irritating and i snapped at her. And we didn't talk after that. She had several pictures of me in her camera(while we tried to be a clique in London). I hope she doesn't use my pictures to cast spells on me. Duh.

 neh. obvious which one is Canadian and which is Filipino la hor?

On the other hand, the Canadian is a super duper sweet girl. So sweet that i felt like biting her. Hahaha. She's nice, gentle, soft-spoken, etc. I was like a blackie beside her.

We had dinner at this very nice restaurant that the Canadian found out from the internet. The starter(coconut broth with dumplings) was superb but the main dish i ordered was't that good at all (Cod fish).


After dinner, we went to a souvenir shop, all shops were closing though. I bought a jacket and a shot glass for Jen and time to go back and sleep, broke. Gloomy...


The next time i go Heathrow, I'll go other places even if i were to go out alone. Bus and train, that's easy lar! Just that i've some issue with reading maps. Heh heh.

Before i was pulled out for this flight, i had went out with Nadia and her friend Yanty, to Oman to get Yanty's visa renewed. It was like driving from Singapore to Johor Bahru, very similar. The only difference was that it was 49 degrees celcius while we were out and there were sand and camels when we look out the car's window. After the road trip, we went to Lime Tree Cafe for their famous carrot cake (not our cai tao kway but real cake). I feel like buying the cake back home to Sg but they said it will melt. I really want to share all these yummy food with the ones i love. I'll try to do something about it. After the carrot cake, we went to Yanty's place for a few beers. I loveeee her place. She's a tai tai here, hasn't been working for a year already and living with her Swedish boyfriend who's an expat here in Dubai. Shiok.
 The Tai-Tai.
 Their room.
 Their pool.


One word, SHIOK. But tai tai style is not for me though. It sucks to have everything your man can afford to give but your soul and pockets empty i guess. It's always never nice to be asking for money. Spending is fun, of course. I prefer to spend what i earn. Owing people feels like shit, that is if you do feel you owe someone something when they give you everything. If not, you're meant to be a tai tai. =D

I got pulled out this morning, got the call at 4plus am for a flight which departs at 9.35am (which means i've to be at the briefing by 7.35am). The phone rang. I happily picked up the call and here's what the guy said: "LIM? LIM MEOW? You're going for a very short turnaround flight." I was excited, I asked where i was going. He: "BOMBAY." I paused for like 5 seconds. . . . . Then i asked him if there was any layover, any, available. He: "NO." I could only say ok bye.
I had so much time to prepare, for a flight every crew dreaded. My head filled with the sight of IDR demanding this and that. I didn't want to complain even to myself, as i had promised. I tried to calm myself down. Read emails sent by Uncle Jimmy and Aunty Susan to sayang my soul. Here goes one of the emails:

Goodness remains

 

Goodness is here, now, today in unending abundance. Open your heart and know it.
Much of the world's pain arises from the failure to fully appreciate life's goodness. Yet goodness will always outlive the pain.
Peacefully let go of fear and anger, resentment and anxiety. Goodness remains.
Feel the longing for goodness that lives always within you. Let it drive your thoughts and actions, and you'll create more of the very goodness you seek.
Focus on those parts of your life that resonate with your deepest purpose. See the true beauty that is alive and growing in your world.
Hold life's goodness securely in your heart. Move forward with confidence, knowing it is always there.
-- Ralph Marston
 

I read about 10 of such emails, stoned. I fed my soul with the TLC needed for this flight. I will not complain, i tell myself that i see GOODNESS in all these that are happening. I prepared and went for the flight with an open mind.

The flight there was full load and... disastrous. My smile, was there but i know it was obvious that i was ready any moment to bite off every single one of the IDR's head. They were shouting at us over the special meals and stuff. My colleague tried to talk to them nicely but she gave up. I walked past and they started to try their stunts on me. Wrong person dude. I stunned them. I raised my voice so loud, that the cabin became quiet and everyone stared at me. But the best part was that i remained so called professional. I wasn't showing any particular expressions. I wasn't even shouting but i was loud enough to let them know that they were messing with the wrong person and that they should be embarrassed by their unreasonable arguments now that every single passenger around them knew what was going on. I guess they really felt paiseh, they then kept quiet and i walked away after forcing a supernatural smile at them. The whole flight , we were like butterflies fluttering around the cabin. However, on the way back(it was a turnaround), there was a slightly lighter load though it didn't really make much difference, i felt different. I decided to accept these IDR as GOODNESS. I greeted every single IDR during boarding, even toddlers. Amazingly, it really made a difference. I mean to myself, not that they became angels. I felt happy for no reason. I was sweating while walking up and down like a mad woman but i realised i was like doing CATWALK, giving a smile that i didn't know i was capable of after all these years. I found a me, who was the happy-go-lucky me back, for the whole flight back to Dubai. It was indescribable. I found myself back with a flight full of IDR. I talked nonsense to any IDR who happened to look me in the eyes. They found it amusing. It was still very busy and they were STILL demanding but i treated them differently this time and it made a huge difference. As usual, i'm clumsy. I was pushing the trolley and i had to be quick. I accidentally COLLIDE the trolley with several seats SEVERAL times but all i see was smiley faces staring at me, a few even laughed out loud. Ok, i was like a clown but they were happy with me and i didn't see them as IDR anymore either. I was "performing" on both sides of the aisles and it happened that on each side, different passengers asked for my name. And on each side, one of the passengers asked me to bring the comment form and they said i should be promoted. HAHA. I'm so proud of myself. I didn't know the once-upon-a-time me is so lovable. 2 comment forms, complimenting me at the same time and just me, on a full load of IDR flight. GOODNESS. It never happened to those flights which had passengers that i adored so much. Life is just so unpredictable.

The best thing that ever happened through these years, happened on a day that's supposed to be dreaded. It's not the compliments. It's the fact that i finally, find a part of me back.

May God Bless All.

Complain and gain nothing. I wasn't pulled out for any flight during my standby last night. Complain, complain more lar! No work, no money. Stay far away from home just to rot. Ngao Ngao Cam (nagging) is what i do best in life. Bad i know, at least i admit. But i'm working on it. So... here it goes: It was still very nice to be able to slack and rest, thank you God. Just that i learnt my lesson, i wouldn't complain anymore, promise.

My uncle Jimmy had texted me about this video he posted on Youtube about our beloved Shaun who had left us for a better place. He was about 11 years old when he left us. He came to us with a purpose, to let us know what love, joy and happiness are and that we must learn to cherish and treasure. He's such an angel. We will always love you, Shaun.   http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gdH8MkHi500  
                                                                                  (please feel free to see this link, u'll see how lovable he IS)

Spoke to Jeks, Jennifer and Pui eh online just now. I'm so glad i had the chance to chat with them, I miss everyone so much. I'm actually not this boring a person back home. I can be SUPER happening. But i finally realise it's simply the people that i enjoy going out with, not the places. No more complaints from me from now on. Browsed through some pictures and realised how zeng(bloated) i had become. Hehehe.

Skinny days: (pics i saved as My Precious Pics in my new lappie :) )


NO MORE:

Just look the difference of the size of my arms then and now. Jialat liao (dead meat).

Not complaining though. We are what we eat. Orrbee good. Tomorrow is my off day again, yeh! I can continue to nua(rot and slack) and be zeng. Hehe nono, i'm gonna go gym, i've to go gym, i need to go gym, i will go gym. I shall wake up, go shop for some groceries, go gym, shower and then wait for Gayna to reach Dubai from Moscow. Met her 2 days back and went to her hotel to chat with her. I was amazed at how easy we manage to talk about anything despite not seeing or talking to each other at all even in secondary school days, which was like 5 years back? She's so skinny! She's now officially my skinny blondie BFF. Haha. Yeah talked for a day and be BFF(Best Friends Forever), that's what blondies do best. OK, didn't mean to humiliate any skin color or even hair color. Just trying to be more precise in my description. Hehe. Have a few latest, updated zeng pics with her. Gonna pester her for it.

Let's celebrate life itself! This way we have something to be happy about and celebrating for every single day, that is the joy of living. I really treasure people around me now, i mean loved ones. If you've been talking to me these days, you'll realise i'll grab every single chance to tell you i love you. We don't know what's gonna happen tomorrow and i fear losing people i love, enough of it already though inevitable. We always postpone stuff on our agenda to a later time: "Later, tomorrow, next time etc." What if tomorrow never comes? I've had enough of these shits and i won't wanna add on any more regrets. But as for gym-ing or dieting, it can be excused. Since....we're to celebrate life, we should eat what we like but stay at an acceptable weight. . . . I'm still at the acceptable weight stage. Heeee. I'm just getting more cheerful each day even though i'm doing nothing. It's great, my plan works. Past is over when i can bring myself back to Sg to stay again. For now, earn more money and save it first. Focus. Nowadays, no money no darling. Being emo tan bo jiak(no income). Ya right, this is just one of those days that i feel motivated to be enthusiastic about life. My emo posts will pop up once in a while as always but it's healthy for the soul lar. No more complaints though. Promise.

May God bless all. To my famiy and friends, i love you. Please, don't ever give up on me. I'll be back as a once-upon-a-time-me, happy-go-lucky-me. :)

I'm bored, i'm boring and i'm a bore. Siao liao, loneliness has made me completely berserk. 2 off days and now i'm on standby once again for 8 hours from 0400. I know for sure i'm gonna be pulled out for a flight, but i wish i hope and i pray for a good layover. People got Vienna, Rome and Frankfurt on their reserve. I got Nairobi, Istanbul turnarounds and Casablanca, why why why?? Someone ask me to shut up, please. WTH am i complaining about, it doesn't matter where i fly to actually. OK, let's Praise the Lord. Thank you dear Lord. Everywhere is new and i keep bleeding~ keep keep bleeding love~ everywhere i go. I'm listening to the song, duh.

I really, really, seriously, honestly feel like singing or rather, shouting at the top of my lungs ASAP just like what i always do back home in Sg. I'm like whispering :" keep bleeding......keep keep bleeedinggg love.....tsk tsk" SUPER gao wei. Oh yes, someone asked me to listen to this guy :

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xlRGidTBCPU&feature=related

He's amazing, he's my inspiration. Everything is possible, work on it.

Just came back from movie with my Aussie flatmate. FAST & FURIOUS. Cool shit. Love it to the MAX. i think i'm gonna find a way to know a racer like Vindiesel or the "Bryan" in the show(don't know his real name), then force him to marry me. The cinema is very similar to those in Sg, only more spacious. But the most obvious difference is that it was very quiet. Cinemas like this in Sg, would have so many people crowding in groups here and there. I felt really close to home when i reached there actually. Just hoped i could "ship" all the Singaporeans here. The sound system was good, but there were less than 10 people(including us) watching the show. Good thing is we can sit wherever and whatever way we like. Haven't been to a movie in ages. Used to do it almost every week when i was attached back home. And without a doubt, i thought of those times but my heart wasn't aching or any shit. Saw a cool shop with nice T-shirts for guys and was having discount. Used to jump in the shops like this in Sg to buy T-shirts for him in the past but this time round, though i thought of him but i bought it for my brother instead. My brother is so darn lucky, he gets all the stuff which i would usually buy for Mr Ex. Already bought him an expensive wallet for his birthday, deodorants, T-shirtssss and more to come i guess. I haven't even got myself anything more than 50SGD(except groceries) since i'm here, and i got him a wallet that cost like 600SGD and trying to scrimp and save to wait for my next pay. Money ain't coming easy at all. Learnt that, gotta learn to be niao if i wanna save enough money to buy my Dad a more comfortable life.
 

Talked to Jeks and Puipui before i went out just now. Felt soooo super nice to be talking to them. Especially when we really, really talked. Like replying straight away and only talking to each other and stuff. Miss them like....... like how i miss being a baby. Wtf, i don't know how to describe. And my Nana happened to text me today too. I was talking to my brother before puipui came online, then Nana texted me then Jeks came online then April was saying hi, Ivan was asking when i'm coming back and i realised i really miss being home, seeing them. Can't wait to be TAH-ing & MJ-ing with Jeks n Puipui albeit i'll forever be the goner 1st.

It's my off day, yeh! Nua-ing time again. Gotta clean up my room already though. It's like my floor is growing hair. Eeks! As usual man, my room is messy and floor growing hair 24/7, 365days back in Sg too. Hope i can "ship" my aunt here too, she's forever helping me to try to transform my pig sty into a human's home. Thank God, really. I'll never meet any good people in my life anymore because i've met the best already, who have the responsibilities of being my Dad, my bro, my sister, my aunt, my uncle and my friend.

My feverish night:

  Angela, my Aussie flatmate.
Look at my elephant-y arms. HEHEHE. I'm going to lose all these fats before i go back home in Sg(fingers crossed). Yes Nana, i'll TRY to eat less, promise. Cleaning the house and gyming(15 mins i hope) when i wake up later.

May God bless all to be happy, healthy and safe.

I was pulled out for a Casablanca (Morocco) layover that fateful midnight standby. It was an 8 hour flight there and full load, exhausting plus i didn't sleep at all. The moment i reached there, i was like, huh? It was the first "non-Europe" layover i had so, i was kinda disappointed with what i saw. We were on the shuttle bus and it took us a darn 20minutes to reach the hotel. I could see dying patches of grass everywhere, ulu houses, STRAY donkeys, STRAY cows, stray animals that we'll never see in Sg. It's very good experience though, and i know there're beautiful places in the country that i didn't have the chance to go to. The moment i reached the hotel, showered then went to the nearby market with 2 indian crew. I know now that every single IDR, has the same character. We all have IDR friends, well not many but most of a time, they're notorious for their attitudes. When i was doing sales, we hate IDR customers, when i'm flying now, we hate IDR passengers, I went to shop for some souvenirs somewhere in Dubai today and i was trying to bargain some good price and forking out the money slowly while chatting with the boss when he asked me: "You are not IDR. Why are you paying like one?" That double confirmed my suspicion of IDR's notoriety in their .... Anyway, the IDR went around asking for prices, bargaining like the shop owners owed them a million bucks then leaving every single shop in anger. I'll stay in hotel the next time round if i'm left with IDR choice. No offence but IDR will never be my kind of kaki. We went to Hyatt Hotel in Casablance for their famous Morrocan bath. I didn't how and what it was and decided to try but i kinda regretted it because we had to strip naked and be scrubbed by a woman with a very rough cloth all over our body. It is to exfoliate the dead skin cells on our skin and we can literally see those skin peel off, dirty. It was good experience, definitely but uncomfortable for me, very awkward. The process is like how our mother used to shower us. Anyway, i didn't know Casablanca is a muslim country, duh as usual, and i was wearing a tank top with a short denim skirt. So, i was like a freak attracting all kinda scary attention. It was very scary, indeed.

我不難過了 甚至真心希望你能幸福
當我瞭解你只能活在記憶裡頭
我不恨你了 甚至原諒你的殘酷理由 當我瞭解不愛了
連回憶 都是負荷 我不難過了 甚至真心希望你能幸福
當我瞭解你只能活在記憶裡頭 我不恨你了
甚至感謝這樣不期而遇 當我從你眼中發現我已是
陌生人了
我已是 陌生人了

I did not sleep my fever away. Instead, i went out with my Aussie flatmate to a club, ladies night, free champagne. Vomitted all the champagne and fever at the end of everything. Today, i feel so much better. Next time you're sick, don't stay home and wait to be loved. Go out there and puke the sickly you away! I ended up lying on my bed, the world turning around me, thinking i'll never ever drink any alcoholic drinks EVER again. It always happen, doesn't it?

I woke up, went online and "halo" from him appeared again and he video called me again the moment i "hi" back. This time round it was a longer conversation than usual. I had to say hi to his brother in law who was beside him too. It's weird, very weird. I've loved them all. I'm actually wondering if his parents are doing well too, hope his mother recover totally from the cough she used to be having on and off. I wish them well. I shouldn't be talking to him at a regular basis, seeing him and stuff. I said, i was over him, i said it. Maybe, maybe i should just disappear into my own world for like half a year or so, contacting noone i love back home, not even going home for my leave. Learn to feel nothing for noone at all. Will it help? It was just for the sake of saying, i won't do that anyway. I need some TLC from my family and friends. Lol. It doesn't ache at all when i was talking to him but i ended up talking to myself here again, in tears again. Been thinking what is it that i want out of life these days. Those days with him include some of my happiest moments in life, it's been a year or more now since the break up, i don't know. He's not worth all these i know i even acted like a friend while talking to him. He told me he's still single until now and i showed him the F*** YOU sign and we laughed. He can be single i know but he'll never leave himself alone without any girls. I was happy talking to him again, i made that choice to accept his call because i know i'll be happy for  few minutes. Though there's side effect after a few minutes of little doses of happiness, i went all out. It's just like slimming pills, duh. After those tears, it helped. I don't know what it was helpful to since i wasn't even sad or heartbroken in any way but I feel better all over again. We should all cry for no reason, it's good for detoxifying nonsensical emotions. Anyway, things are good the way it is, it's not like i wanna cry and die and plead him to come back to me. NO, NEVER. Like i've said before, we will NEVER want each other in our lives again. I guess we were just trying to be funny talking to each other like once in a while, when we're strangers now. I think i kinda start enjoying this messed up feeling because i can relate myself to many songs and i love singing. Though i cant sing here in arabian muslim dubai, i got my internet, i've got the whole world in my hands~. WTF i've this amazing sense of humour don't i? Imagine talking to yourself almost everyday and trying to be funny. But i'm loving it. Thanks to the emptiness and loneliness but i'm happy, it's total peace.

Standby at 12 midnight later for a duration of 8 hours, wonder what i am gonna do. I've to be in my room in case they call to pull me out for a flight. Why can't they just call on our mobiles? And yes, no tv no nothing in my room, just bed, toilet, table and lappie. Guess i'll have to be on the screen till i've sore eyes, yet doing nothing. Feel lazy, so hope they don't pull me out for crazy turnaround flights. I don't  mind Sg flight though. Heh. Shit, feel like eating Burger King again. Been calling for delivery so often! I'm addicted to chicken whooper and fries. Luckily it's swine flu, not the bird flu now. Bad things always happen to be blessings in disguise. I love life man. So unpredictable. At the same time, may God bless all. May God bless all those who had lost their loved ones in this swine flu thingy and heal their souls.

It's one of those days, when ure sick and lonely and emo and stuff. I'm having slight fever and a very sore throat, OK not swine flu. It's my reserve month and it's my off day today, rest day tomorrow and i'm on midnight standby at home tomorrow (8 hours starting from 12am). Yeah i do hope i get pulled out for a Sg flight. I seriously wish to go home for a while, not to stay and live NO not now but just to have my family around me for a while before i'm strong to just fly again. My leave application is not approved AT ALL, WTF. They said it'll be out within these 2 weeks, so we shall see. I started feeling sick after i got pulled out for a Nairobi turnaround flight yesterday at airport standby. My roster stated the priority flights IF i got pulled out will be Melbourne/Sydney (layovers) YET i got the longest, turnaround flight ever, again. I don't know why but those flights that those senior crew mentioned to be the worst ever, name it and i got them all. The Nairobi flight took almost 12 hours for the whole thing, waiting preparing briefing and stuff, without resting. Ok, it's only me, who went without rest. When we were in the plane, the crew who were in the economy was happily chatting away and i was the only asian. I kept hearing them talking about asians and stuff and i would just walk up to them and tried to be funny, asking: "ERHMM. What about asians?" Then one of this Aussie girl was telling me: "Oh f* off, Singaporeans aren't even considered asians. You people are westernised. Some don't even look asian." Wtf? OK, and they were bitching about us asians, talking about sex, sizes of penises and everything under the sun. When there were call bells, they didn't bother. I didn't want to bitch around and i reckon i would not blend in well with their topics anyway and so i worked, hard, very hard. I even had to take out a paper and pen to WRITE down whatever passengers wished to ORDER. I was like the only fucking stupid ASIAN crew walking up and down the cabin like a mad woman. One passenger stopped me and told me he was very happy with me and the flight was very nice. I was like, WHAT? I was busy the whole time, i didn't bother to smile because i had no time for that and passengers are actually HAPPY with f-up crew like me. I then tried to make conversations with he and his wife. They're from Kenya and they're really nice people. He then wanted to make comments on our feedback form and i was thrilled. I went to the Purser to get the form and she was like: "What happened? Good or bad?" I happily told her it was good and she finally smiled, asked me not to seal the envelope so that everyone could read it. I got the form and went to the Kenyan couple. He wrote my name and asked me for other names i would like him to add on in the form, as if doing me a favour. Deep down i was thinking: WTF. They shouldn't claim the credits at all for sitting down and bitching around. But i gave in, i told him names that i remembered. There were only 4 of us in the economy plus a SFS(Senior Flight Steward/ess), who was happily chatting with them anyway. He wrote them down and was very happy for me thinking that he had helped my career. I honestly thank him alot but it's not gonna help. For the hard work i had put in and got myself sick now, i gained nothing but bodyache. Even our SFS didn't bother what we did. I don't wish to claim credits or whatsoever but if the people in our company didn't appreciate us, we thank the passengers who did. I just thank God it's over, hoping for a better flight the next time round.  

Being sick has always been the worst times in my life ever since i became single. I think so much and yearn for TLC too much. Duh. It's like, no longer will i get those calls which will be asking how am i feeling every 15 minutes or so, no longer will i have someone buying me medicine, bringing me to the doctor, cuddling me to sleep and all that shit. Ya right, i'm in Dubai, none of these will happen anyway. Just what is it that i want? I wish i could be away from Sg and i managed to. I wish i could be a cabin crew and i managed to. I wish i could be independent and i managed to. God answered all my prayers and WTF do i want more? I just feel so empty, totally. He video called me again today and he was having the perfect hairstyle that i always like him to have and wearing my favourite red Man U's jersey. Yeah, that triggered my emo glands further. His first words were: "You look weak." I was like, NO, i'm perfectly fine, i just woke up. I didn't want him to know anything about me anymore though he can read me like a book like everyone else. I said i was over him, yes i just manage let him go but sometimes memories creep back like.... People has been telling me to go for dates, find someone else. Ya right. If it's that' easy to let someone come into my life, i won't be an emo piece of shit. Anyway, while we were chatting, i knew he was on and off other windows as well so i told him we should just talk another time and he was like: "take gd care and stuff" I typed a "thx" and i closed the window on him. I wanted to appear nonchalant to everything he does and says. I did it but deep down i was like: I bloody hell need a f***ing hug from you. I was talking to one of his good buddy's gf earlier on and i realised that i actually miss all of those times with them too. Those double/triple/"quad-ple" dates. It was when my life revolved around his life, his friends were my friends, his family mine. Nice. But that's such a loser's life. Common for us asian girls though, stickers. I've learnt and i'm hit hard with reality. OK, enough. Over is over. Let's meet Cristiano Ronaldo in my dreamland tonight. Heh.

Some happy pics i took in Nice. 
 my new cap i bought from Guess, on 30% discount.

Beautiful place, ain't it?

Anyway, im gonna go take tons of panadol and try to sleep the fever away. Dear God, i know u're here with me. Thank you my dear Lord, for every single thing you've given and taken away. For after everything, i know what is love, how to treasure and who to cherish. May God bless all back at home. Please be safe and healthy. Sucks to be sick.

FINALLY!! I got my internet connection in my own room. I'm so gonna spend much more time in my room these days, especially on this reserve month. The thing about reserve month is that i've to call EVITA(which tells us about our updated flights and schedules) every single day to check if i've any flight the next day for a total of 35 days, otherwise they'll call us at the last minute for a flight. In other words, if nobody reports sick and there's no need to pull out reserve crew like me, i'll be staying home for 35 days. Actually, it'll be a good idea. For me to stop eating those very fattening plane food for a while(believe me, my appetite is double or even triple of normal girls). i really feel very uncomfortable with myself these days with the sudden OUTBURST of fats all over me. I spoilt 1 skirt and 1 pants of mine so far. WTF. Of 6 pairs of jeans i brought here, i can only manage to squuuueeeeze in 2 now. HELP. April has been losing weight(excessively) back home and we've made a deal. That is, she'll have to gain 3kgs and me losing 3kgs by the end of this month. God bless us. I decided to wear Jek's very tight bball shorts here everyday so that i'm reminded of the fats being squuuueeeezed out. Heh heh, yes i brought clothes that aren't mine to Dubai too.

Anyway my Nice flight was ok. I love the weather there and i'm actually intending to save up and go Paris for a few months to study french. There was this very old lady in a phone booth we met in Nice who was blabbering french non-stop to me. From her facial expressions, i know she needed some help and i had wanted to help SO MUCH yet i didn't understand a single word she said. She must have seen how hard i tried to concentrate on what she said but to no avail. She then tap me on my shoulder and thank me in english several times. I felt so f-up after this incident and i blamed myself for being an arse since young. I've been telling people i wanna learn french since school days and when i finally got the chance to learn french in Polytechnic, i quit school. Well done, very clever. I've never ever held up to my words. No wonder i attracted people who are like this, loved him till i was dying and wonder why he didn't keep his promises, now i know. He was just a reflection of myself. I'm finding out courses in Paris now, within 3 years, i'm gonna pursue this thing. I told my dad about it and it's the first time he didn't try to talk me out of some things which he knows i'm just saying for the sake of it. He's the best dad anyone could ever deserve. Cute at the same time. I was chatting with him and my brother in web cam just now and i showed them a 50 dollar euro note since i reckon they'd not have seen it before. Within seconds, my dad disappeared from the screen and you know what happened the next moment? A 1000 dollar SGD appeared. He told me not to show off. Wtf. But that's really cute of him. We were laughing like mad. I miss them so much, i realised. I told him that i wanna rent a CRUISE since he has the license to steer that wheel. It'll cost a BOMB i know but i just wish to do something for him. Yet again, guess what he said. He told me not to waste such money because i still owe him lots of money. He wants cash. So cute. But i could see him grinning because i was toooo sweet. Duh..
  Coolest dad ever.
 They're the only two people in this world who'll go all out to protect me.


I was playing game with my brother with the video cam on and i was munching on some food. He was like: "STOP EATING LAR!" I was shocked because they used to remind me to eat and were always very happy to see me eat. But now, my brother keeps reminding me to buy vitamins and go to the gym.But my dad told me he likes my brother and me to be chubby. He knows that i can't fit into many of my clothes now and he simply asked me to go shop for bigger sizes. At the same time, he snickered and said:" Who asked you to throw away all your bigger-sized clothes when you were pencil thin?" Hmmm..

Anyway, the fats will never go off in 3 days, so i shall not brood over it now. Life's short. Alright i shall post more pictures from my
Vienna trip.
 my french toast with cold milk (sugar icing is so shiok!)

 KASEKRAINER (MUST TRY) = huge (pork+beef)'s sausage sandwich


 Nachos with God knows what sauce.

I'm in love with the beer in Europe. Man. My butt and belly are growing HUGE tremendously. Thighs are that of an elephant. I've been indulging in Haagen Daaz' ice cream, beer and plane food. But i know i'll shed those extra pounds in no time. God bless.

Yesterday i was out with Siti and Ann to celebrate Ann's birthday. We went to The Noodle House in Madinat Jumeirah, nice chinese cuisine. After that, Ann started her Shisha again before we head to her place for camomile tea and haagen daaz ice cream. Ann is together with a batchmate of ours and we couldn't believe our ears. She had been talking about him all the time and i think love really does wonders. I mean, i know that they haven't reach the love thing yet but a loved woman is so beautiful and most importantly, super nice. Hee. There were some children around the place and we talked about guys and babies. Duh. Somehow in some way or another, i started to remember the times with him. I know noone else can make me feel the same again. It was the way he made me feel. But you know what, F*** IT! There are so many things on my agenda now but it takes time and money, lots of it. French lessons in Paris, voluntary work in some third world countries, learning how to play the guitar and piano blah blah blah. But before all these, i've to do lasik for the eyes and teeth whitening. But before these, i've to take care of the presents for sooo many people when i go back sg. I spent half of my pay for my brother's birthday gift the moment i got paid for this month. Stupid i know since i'll be very broke again. Anyway before all these can happen, i've to keep my job and stay with it, finding joy every single day. Everyday i think about what i can do when i go back sg but to no avail. For as long as the future remains bleak, i shall stick to the lonely journey here. Wow. Woohoo.

While i'm typing this entry on my bed, i suddenly thought of Bryan. That stupid shit. MIA. Messaged me once or twice in MSN nowadays while i was offline telling me he did not disappear and stuff. People really come and go, fast. Especially people we call friends. Those who stay by your side, really deserve your time and love.

How time flies! I've already did most of my flights this month and 2 more to go, the best ones of all(1 very short turnaround and one very long layover, Nice(france)!). So far so good. Though i had been kinda retarded on the first few flights, i felt good because i see different people on every single flight. They won't know how retarded i had been on the previous flight and stuff.

Just came back from the very artistic and beautiful Vienna last night. It was a really nice trip, nice passengers, best sceneries etc. On this flight, there was a Thai guy(mix of Thai & India but he looks neither of both) who was kinda nice to me. It's been such a long time since any guy tried to be nice to me. Haha. The crew decided to meet up half an hour after we arrived at the hotel, i was late for like 10 min and i saw noone in the lobby waiting. i went out of the very nice Marriott hotel and saw our Purser and a Grade 1 crew holding on to a map and i asked them if they saw the rest. The Grade 1 crew told me they were gone (4 South Koreans and 2 other guys) and i was like: WHAT? They then told me this is common so i was like, can i join you guys then? After a while, a Filipina SFS guy came to join us and the four of us set off to check the beautiful place out. We had gigantic sausage sandwich, took the horses' carriage, and was walking around when we saw the Thai guy alone. He was shocked and i thought he had joined the rest and he said he was late and noone was there, so he grabbed a map and set off alone. Poor thing. But he joined us eventually and we had nice ice cream, beer(i know, weird combination) etc. The Purser was telling us she will go kuku if the few of us got food poisoning. But anyway, they wanted to go see some museum and im not really that interested, so was the Thai guy and both of us told the rest that we were going to shop around and then go look for them, which we never did and we know it IS common. I bought some clothes from H&M, he was so nice. Telling me it's totally alright for me to take my time to see the clothes and stuff and i really did take my very own sweet time. We went to LV, Gucci etc just to make ourselves feel stupid to be there since our allowance cant even let us afford the door's handle. After that, we saw 3 of the Korean crew and they told us to join them for some famous chocolate drink. We said OK and we followed but i was kinda reluctant because i didn't want to spend more on fattening stuff so i told them i wanna go back to the hotel and the Thai guy joined me. We went to the bar instead. Had a drink and some big plate of nachos with i don't know what kinda sauce which came with it and he offered to pay for the second time that day. It was amazing because he's the first guy so far who was being so gentleman since we are all getting the exact same pay and allowance. Usually when crew goes out, we'll be counting like mad how many cents and stuff every single one of us has to pay(e.g. my Frankfurt flight). But he was nice and trying to push my money away, so i thanked him. After the drink and food, we went back to rest(separately, of course) and i woke up too early the next day when we were supposed to go back, so i ordered room service. French toast and cold milk. It was woohoo nice. They had added some strawberries as garnish but for sure i won't leave it there, i kept it in my stomache. Then i started to pack my stuff and realised i had left my tabard on the previous plane! I was panicking like crazy but luckily, a more junior Korean girl brought extra and i borrowed from her. THANK GOD, once again. We were back on the flight and after service, all the crew were eating and the Thai guy was like so super nice, he asked me what i wanted to eat and prepared everything for me. Saved some very yummy chocolates for me. When Biz class people brought some Godiva's chocs for us, he grabbed the heart shaped ones for me and said: This is especially for you. Then he walked off quickly. I was like, wtf? I didn't like the feeling because the exact same thing happened when i was in college with a Tunisian guy and he had said the exact same words, with the exact same white, heart shaped chocs. But of course i ate the chocs and acted like nothing happened. The next stupid thing that happened was when we were on our jumpseats, preparing for landing in Dubai, he called me on the interphone. I panicked because i thought i had did something wrong and the chime was loud. I didn't know it was him and when i answered, he was like: "Who's that?" i replied:"Errrrrrrr. Constance. Er, no. L4. Errr no. Constance from L4." Then he said something blur, something like what sexy and stuff and that was when i realised it was him and i was like swearing at him then hung up, when i was sitting right infront of the passengers. He seemed happy and was waving at me from the back. Wtf. I was scared outta my wits and he was gloating over it. F***. Nevertheless, it was a really nice trip and i'd love to go back to Vienna again. And we stayed in Marriott's. :)



When i reached Dubai, i rushed back and showered and went out to club with Gayna, Xueni and Erica. We were like honey to bees which was kinda amazing because we attracted very, very persistent bees that we had to hide in the ladies for some time. But one guy was waiting patiently outside. When we came out, he grabbed me and told me: "Constance, i'm sorry. I know i'm bothering you and your friends. I am so sorry. But if there is any chance, I just wish to be a friend. I'm serious, purely friends. That's if you don't mind and i've friends waiting for me to join them too and blah blah blah." I felt sorry for him, so i gave him my number and off he went. The rest of the girls continued attracting those nonsensical people and there was this Brazilian guy who was grabbing me and following us around which made the whole place so yucky. The best part, we attracted all the very short guys. Lol, not the point ya. Anyway, we went to BK after that before heading home. I stayed over at Erica's and while i'm typing all these now, she's in bed.



My first layover trip was Frankfurt and i had so much pork there, too much. it was so nice. There was this very funny lebanese guy in the group we went out with so i was laughing my a*** off when we were out.


I've to be very prepared for my 48hrs' Nice on the 27th, can't wait. And bestie, reminder once more. I'm sorry if i can't wish you on time for your birthday. Now, i'd like to wish you HAPPY BIRTHDAY in advance! Love uuuuu~

May God bless all.